“I did not ever think I could accomplish such a task as this, nor did I think a single person would want to own a piece of my heart expressed through my work. Thank goodness for a loving family, good friends, and great prayer.”
In the middle of a marital separation, I had hit a wall and knew life was not going to look or be the same. I was a stay-at-home mom managing in-home child care, states away from family, and mentally, spiritually, and physically in a forced pause. I remember trying everything to “regain control” and nothing worked. I went often into prayer, sat in the silence of change, and then eventually had this one tiny thought. What would my people do? I pondered long and hard about the ability to change the tone of a day I experienced as a child when I would join any one of my family members in the garage to tinker a while while the stress and emotions of a long day might pass.
As I stood there in my own garage I thought: “Now what? I am not the mechanic or provider my granddaddy was, I am not the carpenter and fearless superhero my daddy is, and I am not the problem solver of my father’s father…. But I am a survivor, I am a worker, I am a leader, I am creative. I am a tinkerer, a thinker, and a feeler. How do I use these hands, this heart, and these skills to create anything right now? Maybe I am a builder too and I have to find what I can build.”
I had the ugliest piece of junk cabinet sitting there from a recent move, I had leftover junk paint from wall painting, and I had a few basic tools, a workspace, and time. Is it enough? Am I enough?
I began ripping it apart. Removing damaged pieces and undesirable features. I changed the way the doors worked because darn it furniture needs functionality. As I brought it down to bare foundation I could dream it differently. I could see these pieces usable and even a solution bearing promise. Now, I just had to put my vision in place. I had to find enough money to buy a few parts. I had to research how to install some things. I needed to research, I needed to try, I needed to fail a little. Maybe this would be a huge waste of time. Maybe this would be the perfect distraction. What was there to lose right now?
I fell in love with that first piece. It was cleanly filled with the many toys of two toddlers but looked like a great pop of interest in my living room. It was a color that made me feel joy and hope, it had materials that felt raw and comfortable. It got compliments from visitors. It inspired me to try another one.
Time went on in this circumstance and I needed more distractions. I needed another project! I found a great table for $20. A gal was moving from her recent space and was willing to deliver. It was in terrible condition but I couldn’t wait to gaze upon her potential. I imagined how I would bring her down to raw materials and reimagine her. Then I did! How I fell in love with sanding for the first time because under all that damage was so much beauty! She had been built a treasure and I couldn’t wait to adorn her. I held onto her for a while but now she sits at my momma's house as a desk in her “beach room” and makes an area of prayerful meditation for a woman often in lots of time alone. To this day I am grateful my momma has it and that this abandoned piece became a treasure of solace and a beautiful compliment to one of her favorite spaces.
Circumstances continued to grow and bigger changes came. A new life was taking place whether I was ready or not. It’s time to move to a new place, It’s time to say goodbye to a lifetime of knowns for a world of unknowns. I felt afraid. I felt useless and hopeless and invisible. I thought “Maybe I should keep at these projects to help me feel the confidence that I can create positive change and I can put good out with physical efforts”. I searched and found a dresser. She was so pretty already and I couldn’t pass her up. There was no time to understand my feelings. I took her with me to this new place. She was the first thing I chose alone to go with me and the boys into this new life.
We started over in a new community. We were close to good schools, church, and the beach! We had a few local friends to help with the adjustments and I was grateful for very little things.
Friends, neighbors, and strangers had to become the personal connection that would stand in for a while as familial bonds were aching. Thank you to anyone who stood with me at that time. You will never know how much we needed your kindness, gentleness, compassion, support, and love.
Eventually, I found the time and desire to be creative again. I longed for that accomplishment and wanted to begin building a fresh new environment in many ways. I longed for HOME. Let me try my best to understand what this prompt is and work on another piece. Yes, a furniture piece. Yes, a piece of me. Let me see what will come of this little thing before me.
This dresser was different. I loved her without any work but I could see her longing to be different. I saw her wanting to stand out and not blend. Yes, she was a beauty but she was invisible too. Was I projecting? Heck yeah... But it worked. I was dealing with my pain in a positive way and it felt great. Completing her felt bittersweet. She was gorgeous. She was a protection of my heart. She did not fit well in our house, and I did not want to let her go.
Then it happened. I was having drinks with 2 of my closest and dearest friends at that time. We were in the kitchen with music and laughing about all of our dreams. My friend looked at me and said “Why don’t you sell it?” I of course knew I’d need to let her go or find her a space but the question prompted something more. She meant, “Why don’t you make this a business and sell your pieces?” My thought and I am pretty sure my response was “Who would want my junk?” These ladies encouraged me for hours while I could not wrap my head around the thought of this being more than an outlet for therapy, creativity, and release.
I did not ever think I could accomplish such a task as this, nor did I think a single person would want to own a piece of my heart expressed through my work. Thank goodness for a loving family, good friends, and great prayer.
Many people helped me get started. Many people encouraged me to keep going. I completed that dresser. I imagined for her a name of who she felt like to me. I built her a story. I found her an amazing home. She gave me a gift that still lives in my core belief today. I am good. I am capable of good. Of course, it wasn’t the dresser but something much greater I would discover more and more on this journey which I can’t wait to share with you!
“Meet Samantha She is classy, fun, and VERY beachy chic... “
May she live happily ever after. Restored. Renewed. Recreated. Redefined. Redeemed.
We built a little at a time. Purging through my own broken pieces. Peering into the raw structure and attempting to imagine the changes necessary for beauty. We are still building today.
Road trips home to NY, mass attendance and service, neighborhood BBQs, and lots of little adventures took a lot of time that passed by so quickly. I tried and challenged myself with lots of new things to feel the victory of overcoming fear and the accomplishment of hard effort. I succeeded a lot. I failed at a lot. I grew even more! I held onto the line “Do not let the fear of what could happen make nothing happen.”
Maybe you have come across this page by considering your own little DIY project or maybe you are considering using services. Hopefully, you enjoy my evolving story and enjoy following the artful development of life to not only neglected furniture but a woman trying to discover a little more of herself each day. Either way, I am thankful you are here!
